I think this poem is a total success. It successfully compares love, and the struggle to get over a lost love, to a drug addiction. I think T. J. has some really effective line breaks in here that help to emphasize specific words and ideas—I think my favorite example of this is the one-word line, “Relapse.” I love how this particular line serves as a slight turn in the poem, there’s a little shift. I love the word “seep” in the sixth line. I’d like to see more language with that kind of resonance to it, but I think the language of the poem as it is does a good job reflecting the content.
In another draft of this poem, I’d like to see more lists like the one that opens the poem. I feel this is a very effective way to draw a reader in and make us really feel the severity of the situations. By weighing us down with lists of what is going on in your healing process, we can in turn come to feel the density. Lay it on us, T.J. I’d also like to see the ending lines go in a different direction, but I don’t really have any real recommendations. I guess the only thing to do is do what feels right in this particular poem. I don’t know. I like this poem a lot, and I don’t really know what I want from the last two lines. Sorry I can’t help. Oh, and I love the title. Definitely keep the title.
No comments:
Post a Comment