"The Fishing Trip" by Christina Cottros

I love that the fist sentence is a fragment—childhood is fragmentary, memory is fragmentary, the feeling of the woman’s death at the end of the poem, seems too, almost fragmentary. I think there are some really nice images playing at work here. I only just noticed the fact that the two articles of clothing—the sneakers and the dress—are both red. This is a really effective tool that I think makes a second reading of the poem different from the first—which is always a good thing. Red dress—red halo. Oh, and another thing: I like the image of the halo—always a good symbol. I wonder, though, if there is any way to make the symbol a little bit less obvious—maybe just hint at it, rather than just coming right out and saying it. I think this would add depth to the poem that is clearly already layered. I love the images this poem presents. The grubby little hands, holding a stick as he “rattles” it “along the white picket fence”—I can almost feel my own hands jarring from the memory of doing exactly that, except probably on a chain link fence, since I grew up in south Florida. Good stuff.

Since I think color plays such an important role in this poem, I am wondering if perhaps the descriptions of color could have more detail. For example, rather than just saying “blue sky,” what about using another word, like: sapphire, or robin’s egg, or clear-water blue? This could be used so many times—describing the white fence, the child’s green eyes, (ironically, not the Buick), or even the red liquorish (which I’m pretty sure is conventionally spelled “licorice”). I would also like to see more description of Mr. Jones, because on my first reading I had to look back up to see what was going on with him when I read “She gasps, suddenly feeling sorry for laughing at him.” I think that “moving slower than a turtle” could be replaced with something more original. That would help add to the (seemingly) youthful and spontaneous tone—just something fresh, that no one has heard before, just to keep us on our toes.