Reading "The Undertaking" by Thomas Lynch

So, after class today, I decided that I should probably actually read this essay. I'm glad I did. It's wonderful--I was really shocked how much of an emotional response it elicits at the end. I mean, we had talked about it in class, but it's totally different than actually reading and experiencing the essay. I know this already, of course. I also generally try to be on top of things when it comes to reading, but these past two weeks have just sort of slipped away from me...

Anyway, back to Lynch. I love (among so many others) the last line of the essay:

Milo had become the idea of himself, a permanent fixture of the third person and past tense, his widow's loss of appetite and trouble sleeping, the absence in places where we look for him, our habits of him breaking, our phantom limb, our one hand washing the other. (Lynch 11)

God, it's so true. I really connected with this line, especially the absence where we look for him, and "our habits of him breaking." My dog died over Christmas break. I know this isn't the same as losing a spouse, but it's fresh and it's my stinging twinge of loss. Jackie was thirteen years old with cancer on her spine. In the middle of the night, she couldn't stand up, and later that day, my mother drove her to the vet and explored the options. She was put down shortly after 9:00 am. This was the Tuesday of finals. No one told me until that Saturday, not wanting me to grieve while attempting to keep all of my external stresses under rein. I was going to come home, but kept postponing it, until finally, Mom had to tell me over the phone.

Going home is weird now. It's exactly as Lynch describes.