"Perdition" by Tyler Baily

I really like the fact that Tyler's poem, "Perdition," is set up like a ballad. I wasn't really expecting to see anything like this, so that was exciting. After I got the original idea of "Hmmm...this seems like a ballad," I looked up the definition in one of my texts and this is what I found: "A literary ballad is a narrative poem that is written in deliberate imitation of the language, form, and spirit of the traditional ballad." Traditional ballads, of course, originate from oral tradition, which are passed down from generation to generation. The rhyme scheme and meter served to help people remember the poem without writing it down. Ballads generally follow a specific rhyme and meter: most ballads are composed of four line stanzas, "consisting of alternating eight- and six-syllable lines." And the rhyme scheme is generally in an abcb pattern.

I think the first three lines (that make up the first sentence) of Tyler's poem have a very melodic quality to them, that pulled me in and then immediately made me think of a ballad (that was before I looked up the actual rhyme scheme and meter that is typically associated with ballads). So, in this way, it is a very effective introduction. Another thing I really like about this poem is the story aspect. I like that it follows a third-person narration (which also makes it very ballad-like). One thing I noticed was the fact that in line 32, the word "rode" is used in place of "road." I wonder if this is intentional or a typo. I would like to think that it was intended to have a specific meaning, but I really can't tell. If it was, then that's a cool idea, but maybe it should be better emphasized. I think this poem has a lot going for it, but I would like to see a revision.

One thing that I think would be mega-cool would be getting the poem into actual ballad form, since that is what the content is. I realize this kind of work is a serious undertaking that is really difficult. It's hard to have a regular meter and rhyme scheme and make it sound believable. So maybe that won't work. I also wonder if breaking the poem up into stanzas could help illustrate the passing of time better. One idea that might be cool by itself is the part where, "Silently / She waited as the hours / Rolled by / Waiting, watching / For her beloved." Isolating this thought would give the reader more of a feeling of "waiting." Another idea for a revision is to simply clean up the language. For example, getting rid of some of those little words will help add drama to the action. The poem now reads:

He rode off into the night
Into the dark and out of sight
Promising to return
He raced
Out into the wood.

The word "into" is in this sentence three different times. Cleaning up the language would just give the poem better flow and help keep the reader sitting at the edge of his/her seat. Look at how using only some of the same exact words changes the scene:

He rode off in the night
Into dark, out of sight.

That's just an idea, of course, and it's not exactly what the author has written. Another thing I noticed, that could use a little bit of tightening up, is the fact that the first half of the poem has shorter, more concise lines than the latter half. If the writer intended this shift, then maybe the reader should have some sort of clue, like a stanza break, or some other type of division--just so that it looks more organized and intentional. Another question I have is, exactly why does the unnamed man have to leave his mistress? I'm thinking that he's got some sort of date with the devil--some sort of alliance --due to his being a "lover of women and cards." I would like this to be a little clearer. And I am also having a difficult time understanding the line, "He sat in anguish." Is "he" the unnamed man? Why is he just sitting? Where is he? And why did he leave if he knew that "the cursed hour was nigh," that his mistress would be killed? I guess what I want is to know the motivations of the characters, particularly the motivation of the unnamed man.