"In Your Eyes" by Sean Kelly

I think this poem is really sweet! I want someone to tell me “Every answer I ever wanted to know / Lies in your eyes” after comparing them to Saturn and sparkly stars! It’s a beautiful image, and as a girl, I can’t help but swoon. Okay, as a peer reviewing (girl) student in this particular workshopping class, I am forced to do more than swoon. I must critique! Okay, I think the purpose of this poem is pretty self-explanatory. In a series of stanzas, the author of this poem reflects on the eyes of his loved one, and how those are the eyes that he will always want to search when lighting the “wick of the future” (a beautiful line, and image). He gets lost in this moment, lost in those eyes, and then has to snap himself out of it to ask the other person to “Be mine till you are wrinkly.”

There are two things (among the tons that I love) that I am not certain about in this poem. My first critique is the phrase “Shut up…..” all by itself among the stanzas. I think that the poet is saying this to himself, and not to his loved one, but it’s a little bit unclear. I don’t think he should be telling the person whom he wants to grow old with to “shut up,” so it only makes sense that he is telling himself to snap out of it. But, I still don’t like it in there. I think there is such a beautiful tone throughout the poem that this line really just completely clashes. It also disturbs me because it is the one line that stands out the most, since it is in a “stanza” all to itself. This must be purposeful. I am getting that it is a change in the tone of the poem, but I wonder if there is a better (less harsh) option for such a sweet poem. My second concern is the very last line: “Cus’ the eyes never grow old.” To be honest, I just don’t like the “Cus’.” It seems way to cheesy and informal for the rest of the poem witch is so beautiful. Maybe what the author is attempting to achieve here is to illustrate pompous wordy love compared to (more real) comfortable, casual love. Maybe. I’m not sure. I guess my English major training is making me like the pompous love better, though. Hmmm… I guess that will just have to be something we talk about in workshop.