Oh! I love this poem! I think Kristi has some really really great details in here. It made me smile and swoon and I love that. I love that it gave me a real reaction. A happy reaction. I think this poem is effective because we get a real, very vivid picture of this guy and of some of the physical things that makes Kristi drawn to him. This poem shows us the playful nature of their relationship with lines like: "Your...dirt stained GSU hat / That I try to wash every time you wear it." I get a good idea of what they are like together. Teasing and playful and loving. All warm. I love the "crisp stone grey sheets" because that's exactly what my boyfriend has as well (he's actually my fiance now, that's just really weird to say!). They're just the opposite of mine, which are soft and pastel. So, I like the masculine details. Very good.
I'd be interested in seeing how this poem could change by just taking out some of the little words like "in," "an," "which," and "that." Maybe just play up the stream of images a little bit more. I'd also like to see another way to describe the pair in the sheets without using a cliche metaphor like "a burrito." Try something more original--more you. This poem is very brave--you talk about details that I would be too shy to write about. I think this is a really strong attribute. I just want to see it polished. No major changes.
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