This essay uses different points of view to narrate one childhood event. Overall, I like this style, and I think it is effective in that it each section is distinctive with a specific voice and tone. I love the language of the first section—it’s almost like prose poetry. Actually, I wonder if this could be played up even more to just paint a really descriptive picture (which it already does, I was just thinking). Otherwise, I think this set up is really cool.
This essay has some major grammatical errors, and I know that’s not what we should be workshopping, but I found this to be very distracting from the prose. There were lots of problems like using “to” rather than “too” or “there” rather than “their.” These types of misstates will not be caught by Word, and so it’s really important to carefully proofread when you’re handing out your work to other people. I also had a bit of a problem with the very last paragraph of the essay. Although the bit about the crab hole and the hair tie is probably meant to be thematic—almost like a loss of innocence—it seems completely fictional. How could the children possibly know this if they have already left? And, is this even typical crab behavior? The readers should not have to ask questions about the validity of the essay because it takes away from the point.
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