"Notes of Anxiety" by Kristi Winger

First of all, let me just say that this title is brilliant! Oh, how I love puns! I think Kristi has done an excellent job with dropping us into a specific moment in time, and keeping us involved and interested. This is definitely a great subject for an essay--I mean, the fact that someone can excel in music without even being able to read it is quite a feat, not to mention thematic for life. I think Kristi's narration has great voice. The essay is strong in its conversational tone and it helps the reader to really get deep into the head of the narrator. One thing that I think would help to keep us informed, however, is some background information--tell us why no one (not even a band teacher!) ever taught you how to read music. I think this would help us to really connect with the narrator, so we don't have to just guess and be uncertain about the facts that underlie the essay.

There could also be a lot more concrete details. Many of the sentences are a bit ambiguous because of the prevalent use of nondescript words like "it," "they," and "this." Be more specific with what you actually mean, and your reader will feel more involved in the scene. There are already some really great, detailed points in here (like the stomach on the floor, which made me physically cringe when someone stepped on it--which is GOOD!!)--so you're already off to a good start. Just bring more of that in! There are also just a couple (and I've pointed them out in my copy) of tense shifts within the essay, but this is easily fixed. Just one last comment: I want to sense from reading this essay is how much your trumpet means to you. Like, if it were that scary for me to be found out, I probably wouldn't play in band! So, make us understand and FEEL your love for playing. Make us understand why you do it, even though it's hard sometimes.