T.J. McLeod's "A Day in the Life"

In this creative nonfiction essay, T.J. gives us a glimpse of the first day of school, his senior year. He uses a good mix of exposition and scene to make the reader feel as if she is looking in on reality. One of my absolute favorite aspects of this essay is the voice that is carried throughout. It's so natural. There were a few lines in here specifically which made me think that this is an effective voice. One of these lines was in the introductory paragraph: "I remember daydreaming...walking off the stage, strait into my mother's Maxima." I thought this was hilarious. I also enjoyed a line a few paragraphs down on the first page: "every classroom made me feel like I was in the clearance section at Foot Locker." Sentences like these make the tone of the piece very comfortable and conversational.

There are lots of tense changes in this piece. I guess one could think that they add to the converational tone of the piece, since we often do this when we are talking. "I said to her, then I'm like, and she said," and so on and so forth. However, some readers may not appreciate this trait in the essay. There are just a few little places where I would like to see different wording. For one thing, Tasha's smile is described as "gentle, [and] warming" twice. This is exactly the same phrase and althought I like the imagery it brings, I would life to see something different instead. Another issue I had (which was also minor) is that there seemed to be an inconsistancy with when literature class takes place. At the beginning of the essay, the narrator remembers "daydreaming in my first period Literature class." He then goes to "Home economics," where he meets Tasha. After this, the narrator explains: "During my literature class all I was able to think about was Tasha." So, either he has two lit classes, or there is an oversight in the text. This should be fixed for credibility. Otherwise, I really like this essay!!!

Sean Kelly’s untitled creative nonfiction essay

In this short essay, Sean attempts to give the reader a glimpse (and only a glimpse) of his life where his only getaway from dull, boring life is a solo trip to the movies…even though he’d rather have a girlfriend. There are some really witty lines in this essay. I particularly like the “42 flight of stares” on the second page (even though they are burning a “whole” into Sean’s back, which should be “hole”). I like how the narrator drops quotes in this essay and then reflects them. I really wanted to know who the first quote is from, though—if it has a known source. Heck, even if it doesn’t have a known source, I’d like to know that too (I guess that’s the English major in me that gave a little internal scream when I couldn’t find a citation anywhere!).

I do like that this essay gives us a back stage pass to the brain of the narrator. It’s almost as though we’re taking an illegal peek—and finding out things that we never knew or even thought to ask—just by reading this. For this reason, I think expanding on this fact would help to strengthen the essay. Give us even more of an inside look—maybe just give us a string of fragmented memories rather than straight exposition. That could be cool. I don’t know. Obviously this essay wants to be different. Maybe just let it shape itself even more—give it freedom to be formless.

Jaime McNair “To the Beach”

This essay uses different points of view to narrate one childhood event. Overall, I like this style, and I think it is effective in that it each section is distinctive with a specific voice and tone. I love the language of the first section—it’s almost like prose poetry. Actually, I wonder if this could be played up even more to just paint a really descriptive picture (which it already does, I was just thinking). Otherwise, I think this set up is really cool.

This essay has some major grammatical errors, and I know that’s not what we should be workshopping, but I found this to be very distracting from the prose. There were lots of problems like using “to” rather than “too” or “there” rather than “their.” These types of misstates will not be caught by Word, and so it’s really important to carefully proofread when you’re handing out your work to other people. I also had a bit of a problem with the very last paragraph of the essay. Although the bit about the crab hole and the hair tie is probably meant to be thematic—almost like a loss of innocence—it seems completely fictional. How could the children possibly know this if they have already left? And, is this even typical crab behavior? The readers should not have to ask questions about the validity of the essay because it takes away from the point.

Anthony Setari “Little Blonde Boy”

This essay describes the events of one night where the narrator and his girlfriend see a little boy (who happens to be Sonya’s son) who makes the pair realize that they want a family…eventually. This is spelled out for the reader all neat and tidy in the last paragraph of the essay. I wanted to know (while reading this essay) why Ryan isn’t very socially savvy. I mean, she’s in college, right? How does she not know how to mingle? Did she go to high school? Was she home schooled? Did she just arrive here from K-Pax? I think knowing more about her character will help the reader identify with these two characters—both as individuals and as a couple.

I think this is my major concern with this essay. I don’t have any idea of who this girl is, so I get absolutely no satisfaction from reading that she wants a baby one day. I think the little boy is a good medium to show the couple’s closeness, and I think he has good presence, but I want this essay to be more about Ryan than him. Without knowing her very well, the line “She was my tagalong. That was her job” can seem a bit disrespectful. It just makes the narrator seem like not a very nice guy, and it makes the conclusion seem false. Help us see the value of this relationship and this essay will be easier to digest. It seems a bit falsely cheesy as it is.

Jen Morriss “‘Other Grandparents’ Essay”

This essay starts off with a bit of exposition, explaining about her daughter’s “other grandparents” who constantly bring bags and bags of useless things they found at rummage sales. Jen’s descriptions of the individual items are hilarious. I love the line: “It was like 1987 exploded on my kitchen table” (1). The essay is filled with little humorous details, which I think make it a fun essay.

Although I think this is excellent material for an essay, I am wondering if we get a bit too much of the same thing over and over again. I was laughing out loud at the start of the essay, but as it went on, I felt like it started to drag. Maybe what we need is a little break in the sarcastic exposition—or possibly a little bit of a distraction from being directly inside the author’s head. There is the one scene, where the grandparents bring over the bag filled with overalls, that could be grounded in more action rather than having it consist almost entirely inside the author’s head. Technically, this is already a scene, but it lacks the feeling of slowing down time like we talked about in class. More dialogue might help keep the reader interested in seeing what is going on, and help fight an aspect of predictability. I would also love to see a more descriptive title, since there is so much detail in this essay.

The Moral Point of View

BbB (pg 103-109)

This chapter kind of reminds me of the passage about metaphor that I quoted in a previous post (Lamott 77). Lamott says in that passage that metaphors only work if the writer truly believes in the underlying principle behind the metaphor. This chapter is basically an extension on this idea—writing, real literature, is only powerful if there is a human truth behind it. As my tenth grade English teacher taught us, archetypes are at the heart of literature, and without them, literature is useless. Without these archetypes, the written word is nothing more than mindless drivel—anything but insightful and therefore completely useless. Mrs. Gasaway knew her stuff…I guess that’s why she got the Honors kids. Anne Lamott takes this idea a step further. She says, “If your deepest beliefs drive your writing, they will not only keep your work from being contrived but will help you discover what drives your characters” (105). Clearly, Lamott knows her stuff, too.

Looking Around

BbB (pg 97-102)

Why does every chapter of this book open my eyes a little wider? This is it. Isn’t it? This is what it’s all about. This is why. I mean, do I even have to say anything? Listen to Anne Lamott!

Think of those times when you’ve read prose or poetry that is presented in such a way that you have a fleeting sense of being startled by beauty or insight, by a glimpse into someone’s soul. All of a sudden everything seems to fit together or at least to have some meaning for a moment. This is our goal as writers, I think; to help others have this sense of—please forgive me—wonder, of seeing things anew, things that can catch us off guard, that break in on our small, bordered worlds. (99-100)

This is, so far, my favorite passage in this book. I think this woman is amazing.

False Starts and Plot Treatment

BbB (pg 80-92)

These were really great chapters. It is so refreshing to hear a real experience that a real, successful, intelligent, witty writer has had, in which she comes very close to swearing off writing entirely. It really doesn’t inspire a lot of hope in me, however, that from what Lamott has said, this kind of thing will NEVER STOP HAPPENING! I can’t even imagine working on something for three years—that I am completely in love with—and then hearing the “I’m sorry…” that Lamott heard. That is TERRIFYING. It’s so easy to say that I am going to be a successful writer one of these days—that both the general populace and the critics will love my work in two obviously different, yet exhilarating ways. But, that’s totally not going to happen, is it? It’s not. And that is so sad. But, I guess there’s always hope. Lamott has it right here: if you work and work and work and work and work, then sometimes, sometimes, life pans out. I appreciate Lamott’s honesty.

Dialogue and Set Design

BbB (pg 64-79)

Once again, I am captured by the genius of Anne Lamott. I am finally (now that Spring Break is coming to its sad conclusion, and I sit in the back seat of a rented giant Chevy Tahoe riding the hapless and numbing hours between Key Largo and Statesboro, Georgia) FINALLY catching up on the workload that was previously attempting to drown me. I feel better after my week off, and I now feel like I can calmly and patiently work on the things which I have been diligently avoiding (to make room for more pressing assignments), such as reading Bird by Bird for this class. I hate being slammed, because I would much, MUCH rather read Lamott than Melville, but—such is life, I suppose. Anyway, I digress (as usual), and should therefore talk about the reading that was due like eighteen weeks ago (a slight exaggeration). So, I will start like the true English major that I am (try as I may to adapt myself to being a writer rather than a reader) by using a direct quotation to illustrate Lamott’s genius:

I wish there were an easier, softer way, a short cut, but this is the nature of most good writing: that you find out things as you go along. Then you go back and rewrite. (71)

I love that Lamott tells us that it is okay (and perfectly rational, logical, and even smart) to let things happen even when it’s shitty—just to figure out what we are writing. I mean, she has told us this all along, but I love hearing (or rather, reading) it every time I do. I NEED this reassurance. Rewriting is necessary. That’s great news, because I certainly do a lot of it.
I also love what she says about using metaphors when we write:

Metaphors are a great language tool, because they explain the unknown in
terms of the known. But they only work if they resonate in the heart of the writer. (77)

This makes so much sense to me! I read it and it hit me like a punch in the stomach. I guess it’s just that I’m new to the whole writing thing, and I haven’t really dappled in the literary wealth of metaphor (I mean, I’ve never been on the creative side of metaphor, just the side where you try to pick it apart). So…I like reading this. I like hearing Lamott talk about being real. It will only work if I (the writer) feel it—believe it. I’ll have to work on this.

"Notes of Anxiety" by Kristi Winger

First of all, let me just say that this title is brilliant! Oh, how I love puns! I think Kristi has done an excellent job with dropping us into a specific moment in time, and keeping us involved and interested. This is definitely a great subject for an essay--I mean, the fact that someone can excel in music without even being able to read it is quite a feat, not to mention thematic for life. I think Kristi's narration has great voice. The essay is strong in its conversational tone and it helps the reader to really get deep into the head of the narrator. One thing that I think would help to keep us informed, however, is some background information--tell us why no one (not even a band teacher!) ever taught you how to read music. I think this would help us to really connect with the narrator, so we don't have to just guess and be uncertain about the facts that underlie the essay.

There could also be a lot more concrete details. Many of the sentences are a bit ambiguous because of the prevalent use of nondescript words like "it," "they," and "this." Be more specific with what you actually mean, and your reader will feel more involved in the scene. There are already some really great, detailed points in here (like the stomach on the floor, which made me physically cringe when someone stepped on it--which is GOOD!!)--so you're already off to a good start. Just bring more of that in! There are also just a couple (and I've pointed them out in my copy) of tense shifts within the essay, but this is easily fixed. Just one last comment: I want to sense from reading this essay is how much your trumpet means to you. Like, if it were that scary for me to be found out, I probably wouldn't play in band! So, make us understand and FEEL your love for playing. Make us understand why you do it, even though it's hard sometimes.

Untitled Creative Non-fiction Essay by Meg Yeary

In her essay, Meg uses a compilation of different source materials (such as journal entries, letters, and emails) to depict for a reader her year spent as an exchange student in Germany. I think it's really great that these are real letters and journal entries from her trip. I mean, that definitely solves the problem of us not exactly remembering every detail of what we want to write about. I also like that it is not only one type of source--the different sections read differently because of their variety. Using the acceptance letter as an introduction is a strong start.

One thing I think would really add to this essay is the element of the writer at her desk: in other words, I want to see/hear/read the current Meg's voice, looking back on all of these sections and giving us some insight about what is really going on. It could be a cool feature to write all of this into a scene--with Meg sitting on her bed (or wherever, but someplace with some physical description to give us a good, concrete setting and keep us glued to the piece), flipping through her journal. I want a description of the cover of the journal, the way it feels in her hands, the color of the ink, the variety of handwriting inside of it. I think bringing these details into the essay would help us get grounded for what we are going to read inside the journal. These details would tell us about Meg, and give us a closer glimpse of the journal that is so important in this essay. This technique, Meg remembering these events as she reads through her journal and/or scrapbook and reflecting on them with her current voice, would also be a great way to give the reader many more concrete details, which would help us get involved in the essay. I wrote on my copy off Meg's essay: "I want to see/taste/hear/smell/feel Germany," and this can only be achieved by giving us these sensory details that we crave. This information would also help shape the essay into some kind of travel narrative, which might be a really great direction for this piece.

"Circles" by Meg Yeary

I think this is a very sweet poem. I like the idea of writing about wedding rings--"Affection / In metal form." Actually I really love that line. I know we had a lot of people in class in discord about it, but what I really like is that it is a different way to talk about something that is already associated with too many cliches. Actually, I would be interested in seeing something really come about with this idea. Some other way to look at wedding bands. I like the simplistic language of the poem, almost like the clean line on a white gold band. But I want to see the poem take a different sort of shape--something more unique. I'm also not sure about the title. Is "Circles" appropriate? Maybe something different would be more fitting.

"Things I Love About You" by Kristi Winger

Oh! I love this poem! I think Kristi has some really really great details in here. It made me smile and swoon and I love that. I love that it gave me a real reaction. A happy reaction. I think this poem is effective because we get a real, very vivid picture of this guy and of some of the physical things that makes Kristi drawn to him. This poem shows us the playful nature of their relationship with lines like: "Your...dirt stained GSU hat / That I try to wash every time you wear it." I get a good idea of what they are like together. Teasing and playful and loving. All warm. I love the "crisp stone grey sheets" because that's exactly what my boyfriend has as well (he's actually my fiance now, that's just really weird to say!). They're just the opposite of mine, which are soft and pastel. So, I like the masculine details. Very good.

I'd be interested in seeing how this poem could change by just taking out some of the little words like "in," "an," "which," and "that." Maybe just play up the stream of images a little bit more. I'd also like to see another way to describe the pair in the sheets without using a cliche metaphor like "a burrito." Try something more original--more you. This poem is very brave--you talk about details that I would be too shy to write about. I think this is a really strong attribute. I just want to see it polished. No major changes.