"Take this Journey with Me" by Jaime McNair

Even if Jaime says she was confused, thinking her poem had to be at least 750 words, I think she has an interesting piece here. I mean, this is certainly an interesting take on the idea of prose poetry—a mixture of the two. I think this could be cool to really run with that. It’s interesting that the prose lines serve as a sort of introduction to her lines of verse. I think that fine-tuning these lines, so that they are still prose rather than verse, but still just as tight and meticulously worded would have a huge effect on the poem as a whole. It would be a whole new version of experimental poetry to have tight poetic prose as an introduction to some very abstract lines of verse. It would be like setting it up for some abstract painting that is vivid, but without the explanation would leave viewers (or, in this case, readers) saying, “What?” I don’t even think Jaime would have to change her title, because to say, “Take this Journey with Me” tells readers to trust her voice—to just let go and experience life from the narrator’s point of view for a minute.

As the poem is, Jaime has some very solid images that she is working with here. For example, we get a very real picture of childhood fancy with the lines:

The pond bore no fish
Yet we made the fishing poles anyway
The bamboo for the pole
We searched for worms all day
Paperclips for hooks

There are no fish, yet children have fun “fishing” anyway. I remember this feeling. I remember having little projects during the summer time that were absolutely ridiculous. Digging a moat through our “fort” under the porch for “running water” (which ended up becoming a mosquito breeding ground…), chopping down trees, building things, finding things…all of this I remember. The bamboo poles are real. They taste like summer while I read about them. I love this passage.

Actually, each stanza is so much individualized that Jaime could really do a ton with each specific scene. I really want to know more about the second stanza—it feels like a piece by itself already. I mean, what is going on? Why does a child have to endure military-like punishments from her “new dad”? I want these questions answered, and this makes me wonder if the poem is covering too much material all at once. This could really be a series of poems. Oh—that could be really cool! A series of autobiographical experimental prose poems! Cool!