T.J. McLeod's "A Day in the Life"

In this creative nonfiction essay, T.J. gives us a glimpse of the first day of school, his senior year. He uses a good mix of exposition and scene to make the reader feel as if she is looking in on reality. One of my absolute favorite aspects of this essay is the voice that is carried throughout. It's so natural. There were a few lines in here specifically which made me think that this is an effective voice. One of these lines was in the introductory paragraph: "I remember daydreaming...walking off the stage, strait into my mother's Maxima." I thought this was hilarious. I also enjoyed a line a few paragraphs down on the first page: "every classroom made me feel like I was in the clearance section at Foot Locker." Sentences like these make the tone of the piece very comfortable and conversational.

There are lots of tense changes in this piece. I guess one could think that they add to the converational tone of the piece, since we often do this when we are talking. "I said to her, then I'm like, and she said," and so on and so forth. However, some readers may not appreciate this trait in the essay. There are just a few little places where I would like to see different wording. For one thing, Tasha's smile is described as "gentle, [and] warming" twice. This is exactly the same phrase and althought I like the imagery it brings, I would life to see something different instead. Another issue I had (which was also minor) is that there seemed to be an inconsistancy with when literature class takes place. At the beginning of the essay, the narrator remembers "daydreaming in my first period Literature class." He then goes to "Home economics," where he meets Tasha. After this, the narrator explains: "During my literature class all I was able to think about was Tasha." So, either he has two lit classes, or there is an oversight in the text. This should be fixed for credibility. Otherwise, I really like this essay!!!

Sean Kelly’s untitled creative nonfiction essay

In this short essay, Sean attempts to give the reader a glimpse (and only a glimpse) of his life where his only getaway from dull, boring life is a solo trip to the movies…even though he’d rather have a girlfriend. There are some really witty lines in this essay. I particularly like the “42 flight of stares” on the second page (even though they are burning a “whole” into Sean’s back, which should be “hole”). I like how the narrator drops quotes in this essay and then reflects them. I really wanted to know who the first quote is from, though—if it has a known source. Heck, even if it doesn’t have a known source, I’d like to know that too (I guess that’s the English major in me that gave a little internal scream when I couldn’t find a citation anywhere!).

I do like that this essay gives us a back stage pass to the brain of the narrator. It’s almost as though we’re taking an illegal peek—and finding out things that we never knew or even thought to ask—just by reading this. For this reason, I think expanding on this fact would help to strengthen the essay. Give us even more of an inside look—maybe just give us a string of fragmented memories rather than straight exposition. That could be cool. I don’t know. Obviously this essay wants to be different. Maybe just let it shape itself even more—give it freedom to be formless.

Jaime McNair “To the Beach”

This essay uses different points of view to narrate one childhood event. Overall, I like this style, and I think it is effective in that it each section is distinctive with a specific voice and tone. I love the language of the first section—it’s almost like prose poetry. Actually, I wonder if this could be played up even more to just paint a really descriptive picture (which it already does, I was just thinking). Otherwise, I think this set up is really cool.

This essay has some major grammatical errors, and I know that’s not what we should be workshopping, but I found this to be very distracting from the prose. There were lots of problems like using “to” rather than “too” or “there” rather than “their.” These types of misstates will not be caught by Word, and so it’s really important to carefully proofread when you’re handing out your work to other people. I also had a bit of a problem with the very last paragraph of the essay. Although the bit about the crab hole and the hair tie is probably meant to be thematic—almost like a loss of innocence—it seems completely fictional. How could the children possibly know this if they have already left? And, is this even typical crab behavior? The readers should not have to ask questions about the validity of the essay because it takes away from the point.

Anthony Setari “Little Blonde Boy”

This essay describes the events of one night where the narrator and his girlfriend see a little boy (who happens to be Sonya’s son) who makes the pair realize that they want a family…eventually. This is spelled out for the reader all neat and tidy in the last paragraph of the essay. I wanted to know (while reading this essay) why Ryan isn’t very socially savvy. I mean, she’s in college, right? How does she not know how to mingle? Did she go to high school? Was she home schooled? Did she just arrive here from K-Pax? I think knowing more about her character will help the reader identify with these two characters—both as individuals and as a couple.

I think this is my major concern with this essay. I don’t have any idea of who this girl is, so I get absolutely no satisfaction from reading that she wants a baby one day. I think the little boy is a good medium to show the couple’s closeness, and I think he has good presence, but I want this essay to be more about Ryan than him. Without knowing her very well, the line “She was my tagalong. That was her job” can seem a bit disrespectful. It just makes the narrator seem like not a very nice guy, and it makes the conclusion seem false. Help us see the value of this relationship and this essay will be easier to digest. It seems a bit falsely cheesy as it is.

Jen Morriss “‘Other Grandparents’ Essay”

This essay starts off with a bit of exposition, explaining about her daughter’s “other grandparents” who constantly bring bags and bags of useless things they found at rummage sales. Jen’s descriptions of the individual items are hilarious. I love the line: “It was like 1987 exploded on my kitchen table” (1). The essay is filled with little humorous details, which I think make it a fun essay.

Although I think this is excellent material for an essay, I am wondering if we get a bit too much of the same thing over and over again. I was laughing out loud at the start of the essay, but as it went on, I felt like it started to drag. Maybe what we need is a little break in the sarcastic exposition—or possibly a little bit of a distraction from being directly inside the author’s head. There is the one scene, where the grandparents bring over the bag filled with overalls, that could be grounded in more action rather than having it consist almost entirely inside the author’s head. Technically, this is already a scene, but it lacks the feeling of slowing down time like we talked about in class. More dialogue might help keep the reader interested in seeing what is going on, and help fight an aspect of predictability. I would also love to see a more descriptive title, since there is so much detail in this essay.

The Moral Point of View

BbB (pg 103-109)

This chapter kind of reminds me of the passage about metaphor that I quoted in a previous post (Lamott 77). Lamott says in that passage that metaphors only work if the writer truly believes in the underlying principle behind the metaphor. This chapter is basically an extension on this idea—writing, real literature, is only powerful if there is a human truth behind it. As my tenth grade English teacher taught us, archetypes are at the heart of literature, and without them, literature is useless. Without these archetypes, the written word is nothing more than mindless drivel—anything but insightful and therefore completely useless. Mrs. Gasaway knew her stuff…I guess that’s why she got the Honors kids. Anne Lamott takes this idea a step further. She says, “If your deepest beliefs drive your writing, they will not only keep your work from being contrived but will help you discover what drives your characters” (105). Clearly, Lamott knows her stuff, too.

Looking Around

BbB (pg 97-102)

Why does every chapter of this book open my eyes a little wider? This is it. Isn’t it? This is what it’s all about. This is why. I mean, do I even have to say anything? Listen to Anne Lamott!

Think of those times when you’ve read prose or poetry that is presented in such a way that you have a fleeting sense of being startled by beauty or insight, by a glimpse into someone’s soul. All of a sudden everything seems to fit together or at least to have some meaning for a moment. This is our goal as writers, I think; to help others have this sense of—please forgive me—wonder, of seeing things anew, things that can catch us off guard, that break in on our small, bordered worlds. (99-100)

This is, so far, my favorite passage in this book. I think this woman is amazing.