Bill Beeson, "Living the Life: Participating in Statesboro Collegiate Ministries"

"My voice has trailed off, but my lips are still moving."

I love this line in Bill's essay for several reasons:
1) It portrays good action
2) I can personally identify with it--(so, I guess that means it's at least fairly universal)
3) I think it tells us a lot about the character of the narrator
4) It seems to point to a larger theme

Okay--maybe one, two, and three are all sort of parts of the same whole. Action can be a way to successfully portray character--which in this case, it does. And part of what makes for a successful (and realistic) nonfiction character is the writer's ability to paint a person as complete--who exibits good qualities, negative character traits, and real human emotion. Here, we see a very believable portrayal of the narrator, who feels shy, awkward, embarrassed, and yet wants to be a part of something--or at least to try to be a part of something.

I think lines like this one make the essay truly successful. One thing I'd like to see, however, is a different, more active, tense. Using this sort of (what is it, like, future progressive, if that even exists) tense makes for very passive writing. Using more active verbs always makes writing pop.