McFee's Commentary

It's really very strange to read that John McFee, the fricken genius who wrote "Travels in Georgia," (which even with it's description of all kinds of creepy crawlies and general nastiness, was one of the most beautiful pieces of essay writing I've ever read) uses "doodles" to map out and illustrate his structure for his students! DOODLES! Little loopy drawings that he projects on the board for his classes. Is this not madness? It just seems so....silly. But I think he's got a point. The article quotes him as saying, "Nonfiction writers have been out collecting material and now they're getting ready to write, and they've got a great mound of stuff on a table...What are they going to do with it?" I totally get that--even without research, just memory, there's FAR too much information to keep your mind clear and organized. It's always difficult for me to start writing--anything. It's hard for me to write research papers--I HAVE to outline. I guess this is pretty much the same thing, though, isn't it? McFee's doodles are like a mixture between a rigid outline and a general story line. I'm still not sure I could use doodles, though...

Emily Haymans's essay, "A Vast, Seamless World"

"My little gnome with hot pink pigtails and big blue eyes was a lot like most of the female gnomes wandering the roads and forests."

I love what this sentence says about the narrator notices about the character the narrator has created for herself. She's a gnome with bright pink hair and cute, spunky eyes...and she pretty much looks like everyone else. I love that Emily describes the different types of characters that she created during her immersion into WOW, but I'd really like to see what kind of thought she put into creating them. I want to see Emily, the narrator, picking out names and trying on hairstyles until she finds one that reflects herself in this world of fantasy. Because isn't that the whole point? What does this decision say about who you are as a gamer, as a person? And what does it say about your experience with World of Warcraft?
But other than that curiosity, I loved this essay. So funny! The language is playful, and the in-game scenes are freakin hilarious. Nice work!

Beth Godwin's essay "Horse Hooves, Raindrops, and Poo"

"Maddie begins the sequence, the tingles start in my fingers and my heart beats faster, you got it this time Maddie!"

There is so much beautiful description in this essay! Beautiful description and sensory details! I especially love this line because of the tingling fingers. I know that feeling--it's breathless, excited, full-on support for the performer (equestrian or otherwise). Holding your breath makes your fingertips tingle. Just this detail shows good characterization for the narrator--she's into this enough to really care, to really cheer, to hold her breath. I love it. The only thing I wasn't sure about in this essay was all of the seemingly unnecessary introductory dialogue. Maddie's mom introduces the narrator to a ton of people, each time echoing the same language. Maybe Beth was using this as a technique to illustrate how new and unsure she was in this environment, but I'm not sure it's needed. Overall though, I loved reading this essay. Beautiful language!

Nikki Youngblood's essay, "Bright Lights, Big City"

"No one knows if you've had a stroke of good luck or lost it all except by the expression on your face."

I think this line says a lot about the type of gamboling that Nikki experienced during her immersion experience. What an interesting thing to learn: that there's no rush of coins or flash of lights that proclaims to everyone in the casino that you've won--just the addition of a few bucks on your gamboling ATM card. It's a strange observation. It also makes me want to know more about how her friends (whom she apparently went with) feel about this new type of gamboling. I wanted to see more of the casino, see how the lighting affected the place, see what the carpet looked like, even experience the smell. Was it musty? Did it smell like metal? Alcohol? Sweat? Obviously it wasn't "glamorous," but how did that make the narrator feel about spending time there?

Anthony Setari's essay, "Hunting the Smiley-Face"

"There seems to be a strange force pulling us from each other and away from our own humanity."

I have noticed the same sort of thing when I've spent mere minutes in Wal Mart. Anthony spends a pretty decent amount of time talking about this feeling right at the beginning of his essay, but it's a theme that would do well carried out throughout the entirety of the essay. I think the essay concentrates too heavily on the narrator's negative reactions to a particular group of patrons of the store--almost painting them in a "freak show" type of light. But I think drawing on the theme this quotation reveals would help to put the narration into perspective. It would help to show that not only one group of people seems strange and greedy, but rather that everyone seems to pull away from humanity.

Zach Bush's essay "And What Could be Said of Saturday's Emergencies?"

"The guy scratches his curly red hair, meeting eyes with me and immediately we both look down."

I think one of the real strengths of this essay is Zach's use of characterization--not only for the people around him during his trip to the ER, but also for himself. This line is a great example of that. Through this one sentence we see that the people around him are curious about his being there with no visible injury, obviously not waiting on anyone, but that no one feels comfortable enough to ask him what he's doing. This line illustrates the tension of both parties--showing that Zach knows everyone is aware of his inability to fit in. This simple observation, which also shows action, portrays all of these things at once. It's strong, compact writing.

Turquoise Coney's essay, "Expect the Unexpected"

"I had the kind of headache that sits in your eyes pressing down on your face."

I love this line because it really gets into the way the body reacts to a day-long experience with fasting. I'd actually like to see more physical details in this essay because fasting has so much to do with the body. But, I am glad that we, as readers, really get to get into Turquoise's head with this essay--we get everything she's thinking and I think that's a real strength. I definitely got that this is a very honest narrator--telling everything. It feels like Turquoise isn't holding back.