"My hands shook as I transferred one, then two, then three, then four, then five, then six, then seven, on until 3 quarters of the sugar jar was empty and my sister was smiling sardonically."
Oh my god--this is awesome writing! Completely insane (and I think that's the point) but amazing writing. I really love this particular sentence (and it was very difficult to pick just one, by the way) because I think it speaks to the essay as a whole. That's what it's about: Shaun trying to get by in this totally foreign experience and doing the best he can without screaming out loud...and his sister watching his every move. It's such vivid writing--at times trembling on the edge of complete and total abstraction (and madness) but then suddenly balanced with the concrete--the real, the tangible. And it's completely captivating. Shaun can tell the reader anything--like saying that he wishes he could actually be one of the chattering little girls in the tea room, and we take him seriously. We don't have time to judge or sit there and really ponder it because we can't stop following line after line. If there's anything I want to say, it's that I'd like to see more about the narrator's sister. What is she wearing? How does she feel about what Shaun is wearing? Did she paint her nails to go here? Did she drive or did she sit in the passenger seat and give commanding directions? Does her face come alive? Is she pissy the whole time? I want to see these things because it talks (indirectly) about the narrator as well. But then, I guess not really giving any of these details speaks indirectly about the narrator, too. Hmmmmmm.....I don't know. Just a suggestion.
Oh, and sex-change operations on the internet? Gross. But I can see why it's in there...
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